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  • The Ink-Stained Wretch: Whence does "Emmanate", uh, emanate?
    blog name And he suggests a rel tag in there to make it easier to find everyone else s posts So clicking on blognameorigin should find more folks who are equally lemming like in their blind obeissance to Herr Doktor von Cruft Emmanate is quite simply my kids names and makes a nice pun too I also appreciate the somewhat passive sense of emanation vs broadcasting Ink Stained Wretch is

    Original URL path: http://emmanate.org/wretch/archives/000054.html (2016-02-10)
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  • The Ink-Stained Wretch: Get it On! or, The Gods of Ronco Whisper to Me
    and Bowie begins no this is clown makeup And one of the guys has leather suspenders over his hairy bare chest like Derek Smalls or Peter Kris Brownsville Station look like dorks But Get it On is in the wire rack under the stereo next to Don t Shoot Me I m Only the Piano Player I think the guys from Brownsville Station must be talking to Elton John It s my brother s album one of his 12 records for a penny from Columbia House He just has to agree to buy seven more records at three times the going price at Zody s Eventually he will get out of it because he was underage when he signed up Daniel is on the Elton John record so is Crocodile Rock which full of the kind of fake nostalgia that is just around the corner I hate the song but we all dance to it Francesca our babysitter who lives next door brings over Tapestry one night while our parents are out and she sets it down next to Don t Shoot Me She puts it on and promptly ignores us I watch her listening I am neither 15 years old nor female but the universe is still beneficent and reveals another law For every person on earth there will be music which whispers its secret language through ear drum along semi circular canal down to spinal column and you cannot disregard the power of that direct pathway Eventually I learn the corollary to this law If you do disregard the power of that direct pathway or worse if you make fun of the music whispering its secret language down someone else s neural pipes you will not have sex with that someone See Some People Think Kate Bush Is a Genius My brother does not know this law and while Francesca is putting our sister to bed he takes off Tapestry dropping it down next to Edgar Winter Group s Shock Treatment Edgar and the gang float in space across the cover pouting strutting more makeup Rick Derringer holds his guitar in a way which is not altogether wholesome For some reason I wind up with Shock Treatment in my stack but I never play it Eventually it winds up next to Pretzel Logic but they can t co exist peacefully Ricky Don t Lose that Number exercises a pull like the steam from a just baked cartoon apple pie set out to cool on the farmhouse window sill The song taps me on the shoulder beckons with it s steam finger and I rise up into the air following it nose cocked imaginary snake charmer music playing in the background I am twelve years old and the universe is flashing me hand signals from the wings Things aren t what they seem don t fight the cartoon pie steam it will lead you places you can t get to on foot I go away to school for a

    Original URL path: http://emmanate.org/wretch/archives/000053.html (2016-02-10)
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  • The Ink-Stained Wretch: Ode to a Cheese
    and now I find I long for that taste constantly I know it sounds freakish to be longing for the taste of a cheese but admit it there s some food out there that has your number too Is it a Double Double A 90 L Hermitage or a nice Chateauneuf de Pape Kalamata Olives And just so we re clear I am not talking about just any cheese It s certainly not the cheese they sell in big vacuum packed blocks at Costco No this is the real deal handmade bandage wrapped and geriatric well for a cheese it s pretty old What makes it so amazing that I am going to send you out in search of it right now Well for one thing it s a true farmhouse cheese That means it s made entirely by the milk of the farm where it s made in Sommerset England Like an Estate Wine this puts total control of the raw material in the hands of the artisan This wouldn t mean a thing if they didn t know what they re doing with that milk but they do let me assure you So what does it taste like For one thing what it doesn t taste like is the cheddar cheese from Costco It s not orange either it s a pale yellow It s not rubbery it s more crumbly a sign of its age Shot through with the occassional vein of mold it reminds you that cheese is living food If that grosses you out then you need to stop eating yoghurt and wine too Oh yeah the taste In a word it tastes nutty More accurately the flavor will remind you of peanuts But with a sharp almost lemony note to it And there s

    Original URL path: http://emmanate.org/wretch/archives/000052.html (2016-02-10)
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  • The Ink-Stained Wretch: Context
    that doesn t allow you to be smart and funny Luckily my job isn t like that but as previously stated I m not talking about that here Nothing would make me happier than to be able to support my family from my writing But even back when I could support a family of two spouse and I in a much more modest house all 800 square feet where the

    Original URL path: http://emmanate.org/wretch/archives/000051.html (2016-02-10)
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  • The Ink-Stained Wretch: Lost in the Grooves
    name of the book that I contributed to that will be released shortly There s going to be a release party reading at Book Soup in West Hollywood on November 30 at 7pm and I m going to read a new piece The book is mainly meant for obsessive music freaks and the women who love them Come by if you can and we ll get a drink after Posted

    Original URL path: http://emmanate.org/wretch/archives/000043.html (2016-02-10)
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  • The Ink-Stained Wretch: More Me
    haven t seen the book yet it turned out really well and people seem to like it first printing sold out And even if you re not a music geek you can still read it and laugh at music geeks God knows we do From the press release Participants include Tosh Berman Billy Fury Tribute Kim Cooper David Cotner Elke Ka Spel Brian Doherty Ron Garmon Curtis Mayfield Swervedriver Max

    Original URL path: http://emmanate.org/wretch/archives/000050.html (2016-02-10)
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  • The Ink-Stained Wretch: The Jewish Haiku
    sandwich Tea ceremony fragrant steam perfumes the air Try the cheese Danish Lacking fins or tail the gefilte fish swims with great difficulty Yom Kippur Forgive me Lord for the Mercedes and all that lobster My nature journal Today I saw some trees and birds I should know the names Like a bonsai tree your terrible posture at my dinner table Beyond Valium the peace of knowing one s child is an internist Jews on safari map compass elephant gun hard sucking candies Coroner s report The deceased wearing no hat caught his death of cold The same kimono the top geishas are wearing got it at Loehmann s The sparrow brings home too many worms for her young Force yourself she chirps Jewish triathlon gin rummy then contract bridge followed by a nap Can t you just leave it the new Jewish mother asks umbilical cord The shivah visit So sorry about your loss Now back to my problems Our youngest daughter our most precious jewel Hence the name Tiffany Mom please There is no need to put that dinner roll in your pocketbook Seven foot Jews in the NBA slam dunking My alarm clock rings Concert of car

    Original URL path: http://emmanate.org/wretch/archives/000049.html (2016-02-10)
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  • The Ink-Stained Wretch: Lurching Sideways
    of a funky cesspool of mediocrity and one of the guys gets kicked ever so lightly in the balls guess which one But now 12 years later I honestly cannot believe that I have carried a grudge for that long I shudder when I consider the energy I diverted toward this relatively minor slight and away from the thing I do best writing The details of the story are not very interesting so suffice it to say Alexander Payne was mean to me That pathetic sentence just about sums up the extent of my complaint In my defense I was young and I somehow expected better treatment but of course it s a Hollywood story and I was the writer so you can see why my expectations were not just unrealistic they were downright delusional Therefore after a good hard look back I cringe with embarassment and declare that I officially don t have any right to be a stupid git in regards to Alexander anymore And I will not tell the dumb story again But you ask Oh are you still reading What a glutton for punishment you are Ken what about Sideways And I have to say I did like it a lot Actually the things I liked most about it weren t on the screen except for Giamatti who really deserved an Oscar for American Splendor and I thought he d get the make good for another fine piece of work here For me the best thing about Sideways is that it got made and represents the vision of a couple of folks Rex Pickett who wrote the novel and Jim Taylor and Alexander Payne and not an entire committee And it s not afraid to be a modest film with a somewhat open resolution And the

    Original URL path: http://emmanate.org/wretch/archives/000047.html (2016-02-10)
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