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  • Good Radio Shows: 2011 Episodes
    his current prison term which is eleven years to last until 2020 Let me read part of his statement in court December 23 2009 which you referred to earlier as well He said I have no enemies and no hatred None of the police who have monitored arrested and interrogated me the prosecutors who prosecuted me or the judges who sentenced me are my enemies While I m unable to accept your surveillance arrest prosecution or sentencing I respect your professions and personalities including those who act for the prosecution at present I was aware of your respect and sincerity in your interrogation of me on December 3rd For hatred is corrosive of persons wisdom and conscience The mentality of enmity can poison a nation s spirit instigate brutal life and death struggles destroy a society s tolerance and humanity and block a nation s progress to freedom and democracy I hope therefore to be able to transcend my personal vicissitudes in understanding the development of the State and changes in society to counter the hostility of regime with the best of intentions and diffuse hate with love I do not feel guilty for following my constitutional right to freedom of expression for fulfilling my social responsibility as a Chinese citizen Even if accused of it I would have no complaints That s Liu Xiaobo s statement in Chinese court December 23 2009 and the statement was read at the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize ceremony which he was of course unable to attend Tienchi Liao any winner of the Nobel Prize is certainly as we ve discussed now elevated in the public s consciousness but I think it s safe to say that most people on the street in the United States certainly or perhaps elsewhere would not have heard of Liu Xiaobo before late 2010 What do you think he has to offer to the curious who would like to explore his work in terms of peace philosophy that they could really apply to their own lives Liao Well if you ask people on the street in the United States of the name Lech Walesa or Vaclav Havel would they know the name Probably not Of course if you ask Dalai Lama everybody knows that Well Liu Xiaobo is for me a freedom fighter He is an advocate for freedom of speech He is a literary critic He is also a poet Of course the central thought for him is to achieve all these goals without violence I know for lots of people this is not acceptable but I ve known Liu Xiaobo for many years I know his writings and his thoughts I know he knows that violence can only be replaced by violence and you achieve nothing and the price is too high The price is not the one who wants the violence to pay but the innocent people pay the price for the violence So he is against any violence But I don t think Liu Xiaobo is really a great thinker or philosopher to promote peace thoughts If people want to know that more about peace they should read Dalai Lama or Gandhi or so on I don t think people can expect this from Liu Xiaobo I think we should put Liu Xiaobo to the place where he belongs He loves freedom he wants that His countrymen also enjoy freedom and he knows the best way to achieve it is to use your rational thinking and to use nonviolence methods So I don t think an individual can learn a lot from him about the philosophy of peace I don t know whether I ve answered your question Ingles No I appreciate that honest answer because what I think you re saying is that his story needs to be understood in the context of his life in China Liao Yes Ingles And what he has been trying to do in the face of difficult circumstances to say the least Can you envision a way that he might find early release What would have to happen in your view for him to be out of prison before 2020 Liao Well this is really very difficult to say If he had won the Nobel Prize maybe five years ago or eight years ago his chance to be released earlier is very great it s very large We all noticed how the Chinese government reacted to the Nobel Prize this time and this really hard and shameless reaction of the State power to one single person is just unacceptable This government just behaves as it is It shows its true face It shows its true face not only to Liu Xiaobo but to the whole world also to the American people to their friends to their enemies or who they thought were enemies All the same they just want to show one thing power I have to tell you I really feel quite really powerless I wish that I used to think even in November I thought maybe after the awards ceremony in Oslo the government would become a little bit well somehow they don t feel so much openly offended or to lose their face and maybe they will show some gestures But you know we heard nothing not only from Liu Xiaobo but not even from his wife Liu Xia We know nothing The only thing I know is that Liu Xia s brother is still allowed to have contact with her So according to all these situations I don t dare to say anything My secret hope is that after two or three years when everything calms down the government probably will give him medical parole or something like that but this is just wishful thinking I don t dare to say anything I really feel sorry I want to say maybe one thing even if Liu Xiaobo has to be in prison to serve the full sentence eleven years I think he will

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  • Good Radio Shows: 2011 Episodes
    how what are the tools in the toolkit that our future practitioners will need to operate in these conflict zones Kryder What are your grantees and your researchers learning about peace What can we tell Americans to be hopeful about or should we lower our expectations Soneshine I think what we ve learned after a quarter of a century is that there are tools and approaches and techniques that can be used to prevent violence to manage it if it does erupt and to deal with the aftermath What we ve learned is that cycles violence is a cycle and you can catch it in the beginning before it boils up and boils over but if you don t deal with the outcome of war and conflict it will come around the bend again And so what we ve learned is that there are various points at which you can intervene in this lifecycle of conflict and build the institutions the capability the knowledge and the skills to prevent something from waging and raging out of control and to deal with the enormous history and memory and pain and scars of conflict that can easily lead to it reigniting unless you know some of these techniques It is possible It is hopeful and every individual can actually play a role Take for example landmines There have been campaigns in which even young children have participated in understanding uh the fight against landmines Even high school students can write an essay become aware become involved become knowledgeable Every American can read a newspaper and begin to understand what is happening in the world around them So we think that information knowledge and awareness is a very important first skill if you want to participate in the global community Kryder Tara what s the one thing you want our listeners to take away from this program about what the United States Institute of Peace does Soneshine I d like people to know that everyone can play a role in peace building and that making peace is possible and that peace and peace building will now have a permanent place on our National Mall That is something that we can be proud of something that we can feel reflects our better selves and something that meets our national aspiration and the fact that we as tax payers now can say we re helping to pay for peace building I think is something that everyone uh will feel good about Kryder And what s the sense that you want people to get when they see the building when they walk in the building Soneshine I want people to see the light the openness the tolerance the accessibility the notion of transparency and the fact that people are hard at work chipping away at big huge glacial problems that will take patience and perseverance and professionalism but that people are dedicated and committed to doing this every single day Peace Talks Radio Host Suzanne Kryder talks with USIP Outreach Director David Smith and Public Affairs Director Lauren Sucher David Smith I think many people think peace is the absence of violence and the absence of war and I think for many people that probably should be peace People who live in very violent circumstances and very violent environments you know they walk out their door and they re dodging bullets And so the absence of violence is very important but in other ways peace is much deeper I think people could live in an environment where on the surface it looks like there s no violence but there s suppression of rights You look at societies quite often and you say wow everybody looks pretty peaceful there Right But there s a totalitarian government in power There are no human rights in that society The underclass is kept under thumb That s not a peaceful society Suzanne Kryder USIP likes to use civil society as a marker How do you gauge if a country has a civil society or not Smith I guess one way of understanding is analogizing to our own society The word civil society is very much an international term but look at the United States We belong to civic and public associations the PTA etc You can write a letter to the newspaper you can march on the Mall when you wish These are all ways in which people engage In which people are able to articulate their views Their views are often contrary to each other You can call talk radio for instance and that s civil society That s the people who are making up our society they re operating we ll say in a civil mannered way but are still articulating their points of view In other societies you can t do that You write a letter to the newspaper the next day or the next night or that night two o clock in the morning the Secret Police take you away you re never heard from again Or there are no ways of protesting in the streets because you ll be thrown in jail Societies that lack that ability lack those organizations those societies don t have civil society Well civil society is the way that you articulate your differences peacefully The failure to do that often means blood in the streets That s why civil society is important everywhere Lauren Sucher I think that peace is more than just the absence of war or the absence of violence If you stop and think about it let s say a country or society has been at war Once the peace treaty is signed so many of us think okay war is over now we re back to peace quote unquote But really in a way that s when the real hard work begins because that s when neighbors have to start talking to one another again That s when stores have to start reopening right Everything quote

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  • Peace Talks: Peace and Justice Centers
    unjust nature of the war in Iraq coming together around that brainstorming ways that we can collaborate Economic issues racial justice issues it s about that common ground It s about employing different tactics too Not everyone feels comfortable with the typical tactics that are associated with peace and justice centers such as protest marches It s helping people to understand that there are different tactics and making those tactics available to them SANTELLI A good example of how folks in the peace and justice movement have in recent years reach across the different ways that divide us is the Patriot Act and the protection of the Bill of Rights We saw Libertarians and folks on the far far right of the spectrum joining with people on the far far left of the spectrum in order to protect all ten of our rights in the Bill not just the first one freedom of speech It was an agenda that everyone could embrace It was a way to link together Once we see that one piece of common ground we open doors to find where there s common ground in other areas BOSS How did each of your centers get started The Peace and Justice Center in Burlington is the oldest of the three It was founded in 1979 Serena Chandrey tell us what issues were the catalyst for the birthing of your center CHAUDHRY The founders of the center Wendy Coe and Robin Lloyd came together to build the center to connect the issues of nuclear power and nuclear weapons Wendy and Robin were gathering people together in their homes People were talking and protesting That group that energy needed a place to go They wanted this group to grow and be bigger than their homes That s when they made the conscious decision to create a center a place a space where people could come together around issues of nuclear power and nuclear proliferation BOSS Maria Santelli is one of the coordinators at the Albuquerque Center for Peace and Justice Your center is a few years younger than the Vermont center started in 1983 Carol Boss Peace Talks Host SANTELLI Yes 1983 Our center was originally founded as Action for Nuclear Disarmament It was later changed to the Albuquerque Center for Peace Then Justice was added Folks around here in New Mexico felt that it was not only an opportunity to organize around nonproliferation and an end to the Cold War but also our responsibility as New Mexicans as people living in the birthplace of the nuclear bomb Our founders Kent Zook Blanche Fitzpatrick and Dorie Bunting felt similar to folks in Vermont They needed a place to come together a safe place where people could network learn from each other s work and support one another It was 1983 the height of the Cold War and the height of the Reagan years as well People felt they needed not only a space to do organizing networking and sharing

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  • Good Radio Shows: 2010 Episodes
    it s almost like a card game you re operating from your strength I should say a chess game rather You re strength versus strength and I think Massasoit felt that his liaison with the English or his relationship to the English would have guaranteed the security of his people I think that the English themselves or the common English person probably felt the same This was an event that would allow the English to show the might of musketries of the archivists and so forth and how it could influence people Ingles Did the negotiation of these points though lead to anything that wouldn t have happened otherwise like integration of the cultures in any way or learning from each other acceptance of each other that might not have happened if it hadn t been manufactured Coombs I would have to say no because you re talking about two totally different cultures If anything at all this treaty was just more or less like a war treaty and when you have treaties like that you don t really have to be friens with the people It s a business agreement basically and that s what it was Charlesbois They were in a situation where they needed native allies they needed some protect from basically the unknown They had no idea what awaited them out there and that would have been the driving force to that alliance Massasoit to be honest with you he was number one he was a revered chief He was a person in a bind He was in a bind more than the pilgrims were in a bind actually and as it turned out they were ascendant in the whole deal They became the Massachusetts Bay Colony when coupled up together with the purity fathers up in Boston and so forth Ingles Right well their numbers swelled from 300 to 20 000 with the condition of those colonies and the power balance started to change The British weren t as interested in keeping any peace or even entering into a war alliance Charlesbois No It was a moot point It had outlived its purpose and had far outlived its purpose and as such they didn t need the Wampanoag and later colonists didn t have any loyalty or feeling of gratitude to any native people and that s I think sort of the lead up to King Phillips war You know Coombs Yeah you ve got the first generation pretty much on both sides in a way that pretty much tolerated each other tolerated would probably be a good word to use back then but you had the second generation on both sides that really couldn t stand each other More and more people coming over more and more people taking up land the bottom line two different ways of thinking about it One side believed in ownership of land and the other side didn t and once you have that big difference in the way of thinking eventually you re going to have war and that s what basically happened in 1676 or 1675 I should say Ingles What feels like the take home message to learn from considering this particular story in terms of peace making philosophy What do you think is helpful to advance through history from this moment in time that could inform people who care about peacemaking Charlesbois Well personally I don t think we should abandon the effort to make peace in the world I think it s important I think I d have to hang up my cleats so to speak if I felt that way about it but I think this is just another example of how wars are in modern times and probably from the time since humans were waging war when they were throwing sticks and stones at each other They ve always had their interest at heart I think we have to rise above that though I think human beings have to rise above that There has to be a tradeoff somewhere If we really want peace then we ve got to make a concerted effort to sit down as the Iroquois would say under the tree of peace and we d talk What we re doing right now is very important The dialogue is all important the realistic dialogue and laying everything out on the table I think that s more important than anything Shows like this for instance I think are essential to understanding and telling the truth And what s so bad about the truth I think we shouldn t be afraid of the truth I think we should bring it out and we can go from there We can work on it You know Peace Talks Radio Host Paul Ingles talks with film director Chris Eyre about his work on the After the Mayflower episode of We Shall Remain for PBS Paul Ingles I saw on the website that historians have only been able to find about two lines of a reference even to the first Thanksgiving Chris Eyre Isn t that incredible Ingles How did you manage to shape your depiction of the event from that Eyre Well we took the two lines and basically said okay out of this we can extrapolate that there were indigenous foods beans and rice and wild turkey probably some deer And there was a menu made through our historians and production and then we just started to build from what state was the settlement in at that time You know you think okay did they sit down Did some of them sit down Do they stand around What s the mood Did the settlers try and formalize the situation Is it you know real casual Are they laughing Are they interacting Are the Indians offering their indigenous food We came up with working with the actors and just kind of playing around with different ideas Ingles In your depiction of the Thanksgiving it

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  • Peacemaking Traditions of the Iroquois Confederacy
    women the responsibility to choose all leaders and to oversee their conduct And they had the power of recall That was an enormous responsibility for the women but I think it was a genius that has us still existing today That process is still being used the abilities of women to choose a different style of leader JOHN MOHAWK For the most part when people are at war they have a grievance They feel that they are being mistreated that justice is not a clear thing So the principle of the great peace is that justice in the end has to prevail But everybody knows that people aren t satisfied with justice They ll get justice today and then tomorrow their demands will go up So they also knew that the process of dealing with people was ongoing You didn t get a closure and then go home You got somewhere and then you had a process by which you talked about the next layer of things that are causing conflict Things must have been pretty busy at Onondaga and people had to be pretty good at remembering what it was that different groups had come with as their complaints and what had been agreed upon before The protocol was to remind people what it was that we had done until now It was an ongoing continuous scoreboard of here s where we are today The rules were very complicated I don t want to reduce these to simplicity There s a thing of all we have to do is hold hands and sing songs and we ll have peace Wasn t like that They said that they understood pretty clearly that people weren t always rational and that they don t always keep their word So they devised ways of talking about this But the first requirement that was on the books on the ground was that first you have to do no harm It was almost like how doctors are supposed to do no harm The diplomats required that the warriors who came to talk about peace first stop killing people while we re talking The idea was as long as we re talking nobody s killing anybody There was an idea of facilitating what you would call truces The people on the other side of the conflict often didn t have any leadership There was no single person or group on the other side of somebody s war who could end the war So you d have to bring them all if you could or as many of them as you could John Mohawk OREN LYONS Politics of abundance for Indians was to always be respectful of the natural world and to have ceremonies and to make sure that the next generations were taken care of Indeed the peacemakers said to our leaders that every decision we make must regard the seventh generation coming And we shouldn t think of ourselves nor our family nor even our

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  • Good Radio Shows: 2010 Episodes
    6 months about 5 months sent me an email we sort of picked up the friendship again and restructured it and have been sort of shaping it as we go I mean there have been moments when I think that each of us would sort of ask the question well how much is too much how often should we be talking Sasha Paul and Suzanne view their divorce not as the breakdown of a marriage but as the end of a good marriage Neither wants the old marriage back Both entered the middle aged online dating scene Paul discovered the tremendous awkwardness people feel trying never to mention their former partners again Paul when I would date someone else who had an ex or former spouse they would use that world a lot they kept using that word a lot my ex at some point I said what s his name Couple times they said yes thank you his name is such and such they sort of actually felt relieved didn t have to use this code right That it was a person Sasha While Suzanne used stronger relationships with family and friends world travel and growing her business to help build her inner peace Paul mixed dating with therapy and developed a comfort with solitude which he says always gives one a safe fall back position Today he s in a committed relationship Paul I don t think about getting back together with Suzanne I think about the wonder about being able to still have this really comfortable relationship with her and really appreciate that my new partner sees it as really the time in my life where I became the person that my new partner s fallen in love with And I think she recognizes and thanks Suzanne for helping me become a more complete person and a better listener and a better partner so you know when you sort of look at those good outcomes wishing it hadn t happened tends to fade away Sasha Ok So now you might be thinking only on public radio would you hear such a kum by yah divorce but here s the thing these people might not be as uncommon as you might think Judy Osborne Everybody in the United States knows somebody like this that has a connection after divorce Sasha Judy Osborne is a family therapist in Boston who s says a peaceful divorce is a lot more common than you might think although many still regard it as an oddity She s written a new book called The Wisdom of Some Separated Parents Osborne Every single person that I interviewed said people always said that to them this is so unusual Sasha She interviewed 55 people who had been separated more than ten years And their divorces weren t all as smooth as Paul and Suzanne s at least to start with In fact some of their divorces had started out horribly Osborne The kind of hurt and anger and sense of abandonment that s often there at beginning of a separation and a divorce it changes overtime especially if you have children that keep you connected And you find a way to fill that space that was filled with anger and sadness and abandonment with a more benign space of connection between you that on depends on your relationship you ve had for a long long time Sasha Osborne says it usually takes some time for people to get established in their new lives before the benign space can happen Sometimes they re brought together by life events oftentimes around their children and emotions have cooled enough for a friendship or some means of understanding to become possible Just as Paul would remind his dates it was OK to mention the names of their former spouses Osborne is making her own push to change the way we talk about divorce Osborne All of the ways we live in families now are outpacing our language so I m proposing using the language of untangling for separation and rearranging for whatever you do after that rearranging and that untangling I think if we can find a way to use those it will mean that the partners don t have to think about ending or erasing it and neither will the children and rest of the family or friends Sasha Osborne focused on couples with children and Paul and Suzanne are the first to admit that not having the pressure and emotion of kids involved certainly made it easier for them to end their marriage peacefully On the other hand people without kids could just go their own separate ways and never see each other again and that wasn t something they chose to do either A big part of that is their shared commitment to making this radio program Paul and being very committed to its success and its continuance That whole year when we were breaking apart she was still the host of monthly program and we were doing programs every month so that was a real important piece of it that kept us communicating and cooperating to create something that we felt very strongly about Suzanne because we decided never to have kids I felt like Peace Talks Radio was our only child It s this amazing thing we created together Paul We accepted an award for Peace Talks recently that Suzanne couldn t be at So she recorded her comments and we played them back and after I heard them and had to speak again I broke up And some of the people in the audience knew us and I imagined if you took a poll most would say he s not over her sounds like they should be together It s ok for them to think that I knew that when I got emotional that it wasn t about that longing to be married to Suzanne again but it was about what we re trying to do now and being emotionally connected to value of that for the world really But I don t think people understand that very well Sasha Well maybe now a few more people do For Peace Talks Radio I m Sasha Aslanian Peace Talks Radio Host Paul Ingles talks with Samuel Roll Professor Emeritus Psychology University of New Mexico Samuel Roll When most people enter divorce it reminds me of the quotation in the play I Never Sang for My Father It begins with the line Death ends a life but it doesn t end a relationship Marriage begins a life together Divorce ends a marriage but it doesn t end the relationship and it s the unfinished components of the relationship that end up being the major cause of conflict People have unfinished business First of all it involves a relationship to each other People are angry They had illusions of how wonderful it was going to be They had expectations People feel betrayed they feel cheated they feel that something nasty was done to them and then also then there s children Now when you get a divorce you ve pulled back some of the investment some of the confects as the emotional investment to each other but you re still invested with the children and two things happen First of all you want the children They re your children and people will often say they re my children They re my children and in addition to that they want to win and the biggest prize is the children I won the children People say I won the divorce I won custody like it s a bet that you made like it s a gamble like it s the stock market I won the lottery I won the children The very language of it reveals that people think of it as a contest and as one person winning and the other person losing Paul Ingles Right so this idea too and I want to talk more about children but I also want to go back to the unfinished business part Is this something that is a bit of a surprise to them or that they hadn t thought about Roll Sure Some people recognize it and some people see when you point it out They say I ll never forgive him for not traveling with me when my mother was dying of cancer I ll never forgive him for that Well that s unfinished business He said that he would take care of me and I got sick and he didn t take care of me He didn t have any respect for my career She didn t respect how hard I worked All of those unfinished business and there s still love You know there s that line from Edna St Vincent Millay she says Yes my earth while love yes my once befriended Must we say it was not love just because it ended The marriage ended but the relationship continues often with no way to resolve the bitterness left over because there is no context to work on the bitterness It s over now Ingles So when you re mediating this and you see what you ve described how do you therapeutically nudge people along a path towards a peaceful place Roll Well in all conflict resolution and all peacemaking people benefit when they realize that in spite of their hostility they have a common goal or a common enemy I think one of the things that helps couples who have children is when I point out that the research is very clear about children of divorce and it s not that children are sometimes hurt by divorce children are always hurt by divorce but it doesn t mean that they re hurt more by divorce than by a bad marriage but they re always hurt by divorce and children recover but they only recover to the degree that two things happen there s frequent predictable contact with both parents and there s reduced hostility One they realize that by not reducing their hostility and resolving their conflicts they will hurt what they love most in the world their children They sometimes then become determined to work things out But sometimes they don t care if they hurt the children They are so angry they are so angry that they re willing to destroy what they love most in the world to hurt what they love most in the world in order to win in order to hit back in order to express their bitterness Ingles So how do you work on those competitive elements Roll Well there are a number of things at the rational level and some things at that are unconscious At the rational level you help them see concretely how it is that they re hurting the children That is a wakeup call for most people and you help them see you help people see or you help them discover how it is that by not giving up their old anger and hurt they are continuing to hurt and they re tying themselves together in the shackle of animosity and hatred It s not as simple as telling them a story but I think the story that the Dali lama told one of the stories he told I think contains it he tells a story of two monks who were going to a shrine to clean it up and keep it looking nice so that the people who meditated there could be at peace and it was high in the mountains and so anytime it rained any little creek became a river And when they were on their way they met a woman who was sitting by a river a creek that had become a river and she was sitting with a basket of food and she was crying and one of the monks said to her what s the matter She said well I crossed the river to buy food for my children for the week and then it rained If I try to cross the river the river may take my food and my children won t eat this week or the river will take me and they won t have a mother One of the monks said to her listen my brother is big and strong you give him the basket and he will hold it on his head and he will cross and your children will eat And he said I am even stronger You will sit on my shoulder and I will carry you across and you will be safe and your children will have a mother When they got to the other side of the expanded creek she gave him a little token a little money to take to the shrine in honor of their loving kindness An hour later one monk turns to the other and says you know when we became monks we said we vowed that we would never touch a woman even the hem of her garment and now you had the softest most tender part of a woman s anatomy on your neck And his brother said that s true But I put her down an hour ago and you re still carrying her Carrying old hurts repeats the hurt and it is the responsibility of the person carrying the hurt to set it down and it s not only their responsibility it s their vested interest to put down the old hurt or else you can die of the poison of carrying around vengeance Nations have done it people have done it religions have done it And so I think it s not that you tell them then it happens but in your work the delicate work of therapy their individual therapy couples therapy you help them learn to do that And there s another thing that every divorcing couple has to go through and I think it s touched on when Robert Frost s son died and he buried him He became very depressed despondent and thought he was going to die and he may have been despondent but he was still an author He was still a poet He wanted to get the credit for anything that got writing on his tombstone so he wrote his own epitaph He said forgive oh God my many tricks on thee and I ll forgive your great big trick on me And the big trick that God plays on us is that we human beings are the organism made for love Unlike kittens we don t come into the world looking for a nipple We come into the world looking for a face and to be held We are the organism made for love and everything we love we lose Now the blessing is that within this bizarre organism called human beings that s made for love is also built in the capacity to grieve but you have to do the grief Every separation as Schopenhauer said before Freud every separation is like a death and every reunion is like a resurrection but every divorce is like a death but it s like a death that you can t put away in the graveyard because the foot keeps on coming out and so dealing with the illness aspects of the marriage dealing with the investment in the children and then dealing with the grief or not dealing with the grief because if you don t deal with the grief it becomes in bitter depression and raging anger So if you take care of those three things you come a long way towards being able to have a relatively more peaceful divorce and a relatively more peaceful recovery because divorce is an assault not only on the children but on the people being divorced People sometimes hold onto each other by fighting If we can t love each other let s fight each other and often the fighting is a way to hold on because fighting is also relating and for most people the cleaner the break the better and especially if there are children So if you are a divorced couple and you come over to pick up the children and you sit and have coffee and doughnuts with your ex wife what are the children thinking They have a fantasy Maybe they re going to get back together and every time the children think you re going to get back together and you don t it s a new injury So especially when there is children the cleaner the break the better If you have to be with each other it s better to be with each other absent the children except if you are with each other for example both go to a child s graduation or a child s play but children I have worked with hundreds of children whose parents have divorced and when I say what are your big wishes the first and second big wishes are I wish my mom and dad would get back together One little boy said I know they d kill each other so they can t but I still want it So every time you flirt with children if you don t have children it s not such a dangerous thing but when you have children if you go out together you go to movies together you go to dinner together the children think my God if I m a good boy if I do it right my mom and dad will be back together and I ll have a family again and that s not fair to the children to do that Ingles What about the other side of that equation though what s the message to the children if the only thing that can be worked out is that they get dropped off in a public

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  • Peace Talks - Relationships
    has a values system that s completely different from yours that s just asking for trouble to begin with But if you find someone who has common interests with you who is growing who has a compatible belief system then at that point you can begin to work on the relationship as a third entity rather than letting it become you or them Adawehi Institute Columbus NC Adawehi Healing Center And the sum of that then the sum has some value In that values that you don t share with someone else or traits that they would show that you don t have are things that essentially can expose you to something outside of yourself Is that right Jackie Woods Yes I feel like a relationship that is used correctly can help us expand and grow more quickly than any other thing in our life If we can learn to cover their qualities in other words to accept their qualities as something that s not part of us but expands us in the relationship then we ve grown So having someone who s just like you could get to be really boring and not very growthful As you ve suggested the stress and conflict is inevitable in relationships even in a healthy relationship a part of a healthy relationship But depending on people s temperament aggravation even anger can come up in these situations where it s more than just a clash or disagreement that you ve identified What ideas do you have about dealing with the anger when it gets to a hot point Jackie Woods It needs to be defined ahead of time how you re going to handle these hot points For me for a long time my husband absolutely couldn t handle it when I became very angry So I would say I m very angry I need to take a walk And I would take a walk That was a way for me to internally get in touch with it and release some of it so that I could come back and talk about the issue rather than just dump all my anger on him That was defined ahead of time And if I would forget he would remind me So you can t just wait til the moment of and then do whatever your pattern of dealing with it has always been You ve got to again define for the relationship what works for both people There s no one answer Some people can yell and scream at each other and get it all out and they re very cool with that other people can t So you need to know how the two of you can deal with one person s or both people s anger And it may be defined differently If one is angry it may be defined differently than if both people are angry So there is no one answer but it does need to be defined ahead of time

    Original URL path: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL21.html (2016-02-13)
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  • Good Radio Shows: 2010 Episodes
    the 22nd but that this will do the same thing that this will kind of propel us into another era of thinking about the environment and really doing something about it You don t need to be a scientist in order to understand how this works You should be able to see this in your own lives and feel it And so if you needed to have an advanced degree in physics or environmental studies to understand this then I think it wouldn t work This is just for us This is just for people to understand to make this happen Peace Talks Radio Host Carol Boss talks with Kathy Sanchez Native American potter and member of Tewa Women United Kathy Sanchez The perspective is that it should not happen It is drilling in water or on land is about extraction taking part in a process of the death and dying and we re not allowing the materials to go through their process of the whole years that it takes to be in mother earth and in their grave and being able to be of use again within a million years and we re just scratching the surface and taking out bodies and that s not right Carol Boss Now you said taking out bodies What do you mean by that Sanchez Well the fossil fuel of oil is the bodies of dinosaurs They re ancient animals that have been buried in the ground and they need to go through their death processed They need to be reclaimed and recharged and cleansed and then be able to come to the surface again in the natural years that it takes for that to happen Extraction is violence if you re reaching into mother earth with the permission without the sacredness that it takes to allow our natural world to be not harmed by our actions Boss Did your organization Tewa Women United respond specifically to the Gulf oil disaster Sanchez I think we responded by doing a lot more water ceremonies because water spirits are connect multiversly and we had a group that following week here from I think North Carolina and they were also like in a dilemma saying well what do you do we don t know we re not related and I said you re water people You carry the water in you Just go to the nearest water Give love and thanks to the springs to the lakes to the water to the water you drink before you wash your face Give love and thanks and when you do that that energy of that love that water feels they re going to feel that down there as well It s going to be transferred to another level or another means and so you re working at different multi levels of existence and that s how the first immediate thing you do The next immediate thing you do is locally or grassroots as families as people how do you do it Do you do a collection Do you do clothes I think we did more in ceremony and prayer We don t have the means to go down there and as a collective we send through e mails through blogs people that are connected that we know We do an e mail blast to let people know what s happening to the indigenous what s happening to the water what s happening on a policy level Boss Kathy Sanchez how do Native Americans who are conscious of caring for the earth act in their everyday life that connects them with this relationship with nature such as shopping and using vehicles and building your homes Sanchez I think as conditioned humans into this culture of violence if we want to be about the culture of peace we need to do it within our means We need to think about what we are capable of doing whether their baby steps leaps of changes what we are able to do we should do and it starts with prayer Everybody can say their good thoughts Everybody can always be conscious of offering a thank you a smile I think the basics it s so simple You want to be happy You want to be healthy You want to be spiritually connected How you do that is within your preview and if it takes working at it a conscious effort you have to be about purposeful living and then you define that for yourself What is purposeful living Yes maybe we have to shop but where do we shop Yes maybe we re shopping 90 of our time Let s cut it down to 60 Let s make our own things Let s barter Let s exchange Let s give without having to expect money And how do you cut down How do you start how do you start being more in walking on mother earth connecting to her and walking and saying thank you and meeting people as opposed to zipping in a car going fast because then time is an element that has been taken from us Let s claim our time to be with each other back again Boss Is there a way to ask for permission and use earth s resources appropriately Sanchez Yes there is When we do our pottery when we make our pottery we have to get the clay and so we offer our prays and ask for permission to take and we only take that which will sustain us We don t bring a whole truck load and load up the whole back and have it there and not go back again It s that action of interactions relational presence that s what life is about So when you re getting permission they allow you to take and have sustenance by that use of the clay or the use but in reality with what is sustainable what is needed at that time All the life

    Original URL path: http://www.goodradioshows.org/peaceTalksL89_transcript.htm (2016-02-13)
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